I feel like shit because on my birthday my dad invited me to go out for dinner since we don't see eachother that much, outside from the fact that he picks me up from school, but i said that i didn't really feel like going out (mostly because he's going trough financial problems and i don't want him to waste his money on me) and i wish i didn't because he felt sad. And today my mom wanted to go out "as a family" with me and my siblings and my nephew to eat lunch and i said no and just locked myself in my room because, i don't even know why. Honestly now that i think about it i'd have loved to go out, to breathe some fresh air or whatever... She wanted to go to my dad's restaurant and he said in the call "No! Don't force her she didn't want to go out with me why would she want to come here? Give her some space." and that makes me really sad because he's a good dad and he wants me to have my space but at the same time he just ends up pushing me away and i do the same... I don't know what to do. I'm crying, i'm 14 already and i can't even speak to my own father! What kind of person will i be when i grow up? Him and I have so much in common yet we barely know eachother.... Or at least i barely know him. He's the only one that would understand how lonely and depressed i am yet I CAN'T EVEN KEEP A SINGLE CONVERSATION WITH HIM!
I'm sorry for the long rant i just needed to express myself but i can't speak to anyone in real life because i'm ashamed. Just ignore all this.... It'll go away in sometime... hopefully.